I won’t lie. 2024 has been hard for me. And it wasn’t because my father passed. While I miss him terribly, he lived to be 99 and had such an amazing life. What more could I ask?
Sure, I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m 60, after all. I have loved. I have lost. Life hasn’t been perfect. But I will always be grateful. I suffered abuse as a child but I survived. I learned to let go and move forward.
Until life threw me a wild card.
2024 was a year I was looking forward to. It was the year I would turn 60. I hoped I would make it. You see, in 2017, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. While the rogue parts of me were successfully excised from my body, I don’t believe I will ever be cancer-free.
So, every day, I do all I can to live well. But there is only so much I can do and mitigate—the food I eat, the people I see, the activities I undertake. And there is only so much abuse I can continue to take and tolerate.
It’s true what they say. You get no credit for all the years you let things go but the moment you speak up and fight back because you’ve had enough, the abuser flips the narrative to make you the villain.
And because you chose to endure for so long, there now exists a cloud of doubt whether in fact it ever happened. And you wonder why victims of sexual abuse don’t come forward?
Manipulators are masters at putting the focus on the violence and vitriol that comes out of victims. They don’t tell you the daily abuse and disrespect that triggered such actions.
It’s rich of therapists to say—all you need to do is walk away from the toxic people in your life. I wish all these therapists—parents, siblings, partners and children who will turn toxic in 2025. And then perhaps, they will have wiser words for their patients.
I faced some painful realities in 2024.
When I was young, I believed good would always conquer evil. I was wrong. The forces of evil are stronger than I think. Some of them light candles, pray fervently and recite the rosary regularly.
I never saw it coming. But my mother did warn me about those who come bearing gifts, those with the gift of gab, those who can charm the birds off the trees and flip stories in a flash. It does not give me great pleasure to discover this—but wolves in sheep’s clothing do exist.
Sometimes, they even sleep next to you as Gisele Pelicot learned in the most horrendous way that her “loving” husband of 50 years, Dominique Pelicot, was, in fact, her own rapist.
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.”
Life is short. It’s even shorter for cancer survivors. Lies are for those who believe they will live long. If my words sting, it’s because I choose not to curate the truth.
2024 has hurt me more than any year of my life.
But I rest in the wise words of someone who tells me that while we have all been lied to and betrayed by people we thought we could trust, we can move on, choosing not to trust these people anymore. We do not allow them to destroy us. We go on with our lives knowing Judgement Day will come for all of us.
I will not miss 2024. But I am grateful to those who made me laugh and smile, to those who saw through the fog of lies and allowed the truth to stand in the light and to God who continues to sustain me every day of my life.
I won’t lie. Without God, I wouldn’t have made it this far.
