@JESSY: For the past two months, I’ve been employed in a company where I’ve developed a strong admiration for one of my colleagues. She embodies qualities that I find particularly admirable — dedicated, collaborative and well-liked by everyone around her. However, there’s a significant hurdle in expressing my feelings — she’s already in a committed relationship. Adding to the complexity of the situation is our shared history from our college days — I ghosted her. My being immature is no excuse. Despite hoping that my feelings would just dissipate, they’ve only intensified with the passing of time. How should I approach this situation?
DJ: Cutting someone off without explanation can weigh heavy on the heart. It’s like leaving a wound untreated, festering without any attempt at healing. I’m glad she bounced back and found the love she deserves. Dude, just three sentences into my response and you know where my bias lies. Ghosting someone who once had a special place in your heart can seem totally careless. And while I don’t agree with what you did, we all make mistakes. So, who am I to pass judgement, right?
Let’s dive into the concept of ghosting for a sec. It’s like the “Post-it” breakup of this generation. Sadly, it’s becoming way too common these days. Acknowledging your feelings is a solid move, no doubt. Congrats. And it’s just as important to approach it with some self-compassion too, bro. What really went down? Was it because there was a lot going on? Or you didn’t want to deal with the drama and talk about what wasn’t working? Or maybe you felt like you let her down? Or were you just straight-up rude? Consider linking up with a therapist, a coach or a trusted family or friend to identify the beliefs and triggers behind the action. This helps ensure that you’ve made strides in curbing that behavior.
Facing the past takes guts and honesty. Just be real why you’re trying to make things right. It’s key for your own growth. Ghosting often stems from self-preservation, sadly at someone else’s expense. Hopefully, your goal isn’t to win her back but to level up in handling relationships and dealing with tough situations.
Reaching out to apologize isn’t a bad move, Dude. Pen her a note perhaps. Do it outside the context of work. Acknowledge the emotional impact your actions had on her. Let her know you’re down to talk if she wants, but you’re cool with sending a note instead out of respect for rher commitments and boundaries. Then just take it from there, man. I’m not recommending that you make moves beyond that. I also don’t suggest that you spill about your feelings for her.
For you to come back from ghosting, your intentions must be genuine. Making amends is cool, but wanting to slide back into her life isn’t. Keep that in check. Of course, she moved on in life. That can happen after a break-up. And it’s best to just move on too. Just let things be. She deserves to be happy. So are you. Why not focus on your own healing process? Hit the gym, chill with your crew, try new stuff without the pressure to date.
Unghosting is a helpful step in forgiving yourself. When you know better, you do better. At this point, prioritize professionalism and maintain a positive working relationship with her. This means finding a balance between acknowledging your feelings and respecting her space and her relationship. Focus your time and energy on yourself.
What you are feeling is legit. And so is approaching the situation with empathy, integrity and respect for everyone involved. Trust that eventually, you’ll be able to pick yourself up, bounce back and move on. Just like she did.
