IT’S the season of receiving college entrance exam results—a joyful moment for both children and parents. However, this time, it struck me that, with our youngest child heading off to college outside Davao soon, the occasion will be bittersweet as my husband Gary and I officially become empty nesters.
While chatting with a friend, her words rang true: “Those who have their kids study or work outside their hometown become empty nesters earlier.” In the Philippines, it is common for children to live with their parents until they marry. Therefore, for those whose children study or work in the same city, the parents’ experience of becoming empty nesters is delayed by several years.
As we celebrate Mother’s Day, I asked two remarkable moms how they’ve navigated this season of their children growing up and moving on.
Fly high
Ma. Rossana “Bobsey” Lim-Gan is a former Cathay Pacific flight attendant who is now a part-time trainor at the ASEAN Asian International School of Aeronautics and Technology (Aviation Management). Married to businessman Edward Gan, they have two children: Shanna Ysobel, a fourth-year Occupational Therapy student and Henri Edward, a sophomore Architecture student. Both are studying at the University of Santo Tomas.
When did you become officially empty nesters?
“My husband Edward and I became empty nesters right after the pandemic in 2022. As soon as the classes opened for face-to-face meetings, our children Shanna and Henri packed their bags to start living in Manila.”
What was the initial experience in the first few weeks/months?
“Oh, boy! It was really a big adjustment as I am used to hearing their voices in the four corners of our home, having them around during mealtimes, and practically seeing them every day and having them within reach. But when they left for Manila, everything changed. There was stillness in the house day in, day out. At first, there was even a time when simply going to their rooms and seeing their stuff, could suddenly reduce me to crying buckets of tears.
It took me a month to change gear and finally realize that “Wait, it’s just the same when I was still working in Hong Kong as a flight attendant of Cathay Pacific so I would also get separated from them on a regular basis while they were growing up. Been there, done that, so one day I told myself, wipe off those tears! Only then did I change my perspective and began to resume my normal activities from then on.”
How do you deal with the distance?
“Thank you, Jesus, for technology! We get to digitally connect with them in just a click. Video calls are truly a blessing for us parents with children studying in other places.”
Aside from your work, how did you keep yourself occupied?
“I enjoy initiating or giving support to outreach programs that I know of. Also, I am the Club Treasurer of Davao Noontime Toastmasters Club for this year, helping in Christ Fellowship Church activities, and just keeping in touch with dear family and genuine friends make me blissfully busy.”
What are the five realizations you had as a mom when you “let go” of your kids?
“1. We must respect the choices of our children.
2. We can only pray steadfastly and unceasingly for their life’s journey. They must learn, relearn, or even unlearn from the consequences of their actions.
3. Words of appreciation and affirmation should always be expressed lovingly and without hesitation.
4. We will never go wrong when we instill in them the Christian values.
5. Enjoy and appreciate the time spent together as a couple because now that the children are grown and have their own paths to take, it all boils down to just you and your spouse to enjoy every moment you can.”
Rediscovering themselves
Dr. Ma. Charina Carandang-Dioso is a pediatrician married to surgeon Dr. Felix Dioso. They have two kids, Felix Arthur, a fourth-year medical clerk under the Intarmed program of UP Manila, and Feleerinah Marie, a sophomore taking up BS Speech Pathology, also in UP Manila.
When did you become officially empty nesters?
“Officially became an empty nester in 2020.”
What was the initial experience in the first few weeks/months?
“During the first few weeks, funny as it may seem, my husband and I felt relaxed at home considering we had no obligation to bring the kids to school and pick them up in the afternoon; no breakfast and baon for lunch to prepare and no pressure to go home early to prepare dinner since we do not have a household help. But after a few weeks, it dawned on us we were empty nesters and that our house was so quiet, and we missed the short talks that we have with our kids during mealtime or when we bring them to school or pick them up from school.”
How do you deal with the distance?
“With the advent of gadgets and social media, we usually video call them once or twice a week and we do fly to Manila almost every other month.”
Aside from your work, how did you keep yourself occupied?
“Aside from medical work, my husband is busy attending to his farm, and I have a part-time job teaching medical students at the Davao Medical School Foundation (DMSF). Together, we keep ourselves busy by focusing on improving and maintaining a healthy lifestyle through swimming twice a week, walking, and we do out-of-town road trips with our friends in the village.”
What are the five realizations you had as a mom when you “let go” of your kids?
“1. Trust that I have taught my kids what they need to learn to survive and that they have the capacity to figure out the rest.
2. I can never have full control over my kids, and I am just there to guide and support them.
3. I was able to rediscover myself after motherhood.
4. Communication is essential.
5. Letting go does not mean saying goodbye. They will be back, but they will be different, and I must accept the fact that they are going to live their own lives soon.”
Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms! May the inspiring stories of Bobsey and Doc Cha help you embrace each season of your parenting journey!
